Caroline in the Delta

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Mar 06 2011

Sunday night shakes.

Alright, Sunday night. Little Rock Starbucks. I will give myself nine minutes to attempt to not feel like I do anymore.

I just took Alexis to the airport. She was here for three days and I was the same person I used to be. It was strange and amazing. We went to the birthplace of Kermit the Frog, ate at Pickins, saw the Justin Beiber movie (heh heh…), drank wine and caught up. I took off school Friday and didn’t go to ProSat (for TFA) on Saturday.

It was wonderful, to have her here, I wish I could go on and on about our fabulous adventures and how great I feel. But the second she left everything dissolved and now I feel horrifically anxious and terrified. I need to take a minute to remind myself that this is the first time I’ve had someone visit. The first time I had a friend from home see what I see and do what I do here. Of course it will feel strange when she leaves.

I bought homeopathic medicine– I feel awkward just stating that fact. I am trying to find a cure to make “adjustment” not exist. I want to feel normal constantly, but it’s hard when normal gets further and further away. What is that?? I am too busy redefining it to find it. Sigh.

I had a great week last week with my kids. I was so looking forward to seeing Alexis that I breezed through everything. We were learning parts of speech so every day was full of songs and easy memorization. I don’t think I taught very well, but there’s no way to judge because the sub I had Friday, who was supposed to do nothing but administer a quiz, decided to give out all the answers to my students, let them use their notes, and not collect the quiz?!

WHAT?!

I am still really frustrated and straight up angry about that. One of my students’ mother is a sub and called me right after school Friday to tell me what happened because her student was so upset about. I went to school today to pick up the work and there wasn’t any. Instead there was a pile of messy papers on my desk– maybe 15 quizzes were collected from my entire five classes.

All I will say is my students will have a rude awakening tomorrow when I give them a new quiz on the same material. A silent quiz with NO ANSWERS GIVEN AND NO NOTES. Ahhh!

I loved the Justin Beiber movie, I won’t lie. It was inspiring (I’m only a little embarrassed saying that). It also made me feel less productive than I really am. This kid is 16 and has sold out Madison Square Garden; he has talent and found his passion when he was what, three? I’m two decades older than him and I still can’t tell you what I love. Or I can tell you what I love, but I don’t practice it regularly because I’m too busy trying to impress people or trying to “do good” in the world. If it’s actually doing anyone any good or not I probably won’t know for a few more years. This is incredibly frustrating.

I will not stay this negative. I will re-write this quiz then turn in my Arkansas history assignment that is THREE DAYS LATE and probably will not be accepted. I have successfully completed ONE of FOUR assignments for this grad class. On-line classes are all about self-discipline, right? I don’t have any, apparently.

I’m going to drink some juice and try to feel normal.

love you. :)

4 Responses

  1. learningasleadership

    Hang in there.

  2. Jean

    I am two classrooms away and one phone call away if you need me!

  3. Wess

    I am two states and one phone call away if you need me!

    P.S. I ALSO had my best friend over this week!

  4. Cindy

    Normal . . . Who decides? Love you!

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