Sitting in a Starbucks. I’ve been here for 5 hours and got up once, to get a second cup of coffee.
It’s been hard to write lately.
My life has subtly made a dramatic change in the last six months. While I worked at Institute 2012, I had a fire for TFA and an easy time writing both here and at teacherpop. Now, though, something in my brain has switched off. This third-year boat makes me feel like I’ve outgrown a lot of Teach For America, a lot of Teach For Us, a lot of the institutions that have built me up.
Maybe it could be tweaked into a criticism of TFA, that after my commitment I feel alienated and “old” for the organization. The way my opinions and my own education about education have morphed make me feel like it’s inappropriate to write about much of what I think on this forum. I don’t want my words to be twisted by a first-years supple head; I don’t want my sometimes deeply troubling and honest stories to get me fired or ostracized in my district (I’ve already been approached by my principal about this blog); I don’t want my personal life advertized across the internet and misconstrued by any or every person that knows me.
What I’ve said more than anything this past month is this:
This school year is the best, happiest, healthiest year I’ve had in recent memory.
I am calm. I am happy. I am emotionally secure. I have friends and family that I love. Christmas break gave me zero stress.
I think it’s the lack of turbulence, too, that quiets my writing. There are so many things I think, but it’s hard to articulate them here. I want to. I’m thinking about it almost constantly. But time, priorities, and professionalism keep me at bay.
Maybe once school picks up my writing will pick up, too. Hope everyone is as calm and happy as I’ve been blessed to be. And if not, that you realize it’s coming.