Caroline in the Delta

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Jan 13 2013

Quiz Backs / Three Years Deep

THE FIRST

Dear Ms. L,

I love being in your class! In the mornings, I am so ready to get in your class! I don’t know what it is but I feel more comfortable or something in here! <3

THE SECOND (an excerpt)

Hi… I’ve been going through a lot of things the last 2 years, like… [just imagine, because I don't think it's fair to list it here] I just wanted to ask you do you know anyone who could get me back on track and help me with my school work. I’ve tried to go to sleep at night but every time I do I have a flashback. So if you know anyone could you call my dad.

THE THIRD

Dear Ms. L,

I like your class a lot and I really think that I am trying my best in your class. I might need a little help now and then, but I try my best.

 

****

 

I think I came in to Teach For America with sincerity and love and appreciation and a readiness to be here… but I didn’t have roots, I didn’t have anything to lose, I didn’t have a commitment past two years.

This is a strange point because everything can always topple. I talked to my aunt on the phone this afternoon, the first time feeling grounded in over 48 hours, and she asked timidly if I’ve made any decisions. I don’t know the timeline for SPA, I haven’t applied to any other jobs, and the Arkansas Tech grad program is offering us a free finance class if I register tomorrow.

It’s strange that I have baby roots growing into this town. That the farms and trucks, stray dogs and beer that they talk about in country songs are the things I see every day; my life is starting to fall into the rural south mold. Part of me feels like there is personal backlash, or momentum whiplash, or some slightly nauseating side-effect of introducing something new into my system.

I’ve become a working part in my school’s leadership team and have been physically working to try to contribute to something good in my school. I’ve fallen into a relationship with a local who spins my perspective on almost everything, who is one of my rebellious students all grown up. I am part of the TFA community but a bigger part of my school and district. I constantly am torn between feeling like I have a solid picture of “what’s best” and like I know ab-so-lute-ly nothing.

And, to reiterate what I said before, this blog doesn’t feel appropriate for me to record the things I want to record, for more reasons than one.

 

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